I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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