Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
