I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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