Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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