I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
