I just cut my nipple shaving
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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