I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
