im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
