The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
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hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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