The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
