Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
