we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
