bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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