Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
