This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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