so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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