you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
