just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
