4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
