oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just cropdusted the office
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
