am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
