im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
