dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
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I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
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my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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