Do you still have your period?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
