Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
