Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
