My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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