Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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