Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
