can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
