by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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