I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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