I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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