Pregnant stripper...not hot.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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