Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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