you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
