Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
