so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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