And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
