is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
