i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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