Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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