it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
