I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
