my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
