I met the friendliest cop last night
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
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