Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
