i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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