Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
