Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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