We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
