I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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