Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I looked at my own cervix.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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