Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
