So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
