I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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