he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
