Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smell my finger.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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