Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
