He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
