seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
