The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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