my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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