i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
