I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize