I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She told me I should be a condom model.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
