Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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