Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
