I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
