i don't like sucking hair
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
