East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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