oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
